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Feast Your Eyes On This Unholy, Perfect Goal

Feast Your Eyes On This Unholy, Perfect Goal

Every soccer player probably dreams about hitting a ball as perfectly as Marcel Sabitzer did today against Zenit. Not only did the Austrian uncork this breathtaking outside-boot curler in an actual
Iron-Skulled Lad Scores Header From Beyond Halfway Line

Iron-Skulled Lad Scores Header From Beyond Halfway Line

I don’t care that this goal was only possible due to a goalkeeping boner. I don’t care that it was scored in England’s seventh division, where the pitches are much smaller than in the top leagues. I
Witness The Invention Of The Tandem Bicycle-Kick Goal

Witness The Invention Of The Tandem Bicycle-Kick Goal

Fans who showed up to Thailand’s pleasantly named 80th Birthday Stadium for Wednesday’s match between Nakhon Ratchasima and Buriram United were in for a treat when two Nakhon players executed a move
Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself

Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself

Even though Real Madrid have been ass all year, no one would’ve expected anything other than a comfortable win when the Blancos hosted Club Brugge in the Champions League today. And yet the Belgian
Large Norwegian Teen Has Now Graduated To Crushing Grown Men

Large Norwegian Teen Has Now Graduated To Crushing Grown Men

Last time we checked in on Erling Braut Håland, the enormous Viking kid had demolished a team of children by scoring nine goals in a single U-20 World Cup match. If you were wondering if the 6-foot-3
Portuguese Soccer Teen Absolutely Cooks A Keeper With Filthy Spin Move

Portuguese Soccer Teen Absolutely Cooks A Keeper With Filthy Spin Move

If ever a soccer move deserved the Chris Berman “WHOOP!” sound, it’s the perfectly executed spin Francisca Nazareth hit the goalkeeper with before scoring Portugal’s fourth goal in a U19 friendly
Cristiano Ronaldo Makes Fun Of VAR For Being A Killjoy After Scoring

Cristiano Ronaldo Makes Fun Of VAR For Being A Killjoy After Scoring

Cristiano Ronaldo thought he’d scored his first goal of the new Serie A season last week, only for VAR to erase it due to one of those maddeningly marginal offside calls. In today’s match against
Harry Kane Scores Magnificent Extra-Time Winner Against Juventus From Midfield

Harry Kane Scores Magnificent Extra-Time Winner Against Juventus From Midfield

While it does carry some importance in terms of team fitness and strategic practice, gimmicky preseason tournaments are often seen as nuisances for both managers and players. Nobody on the pitch
Europa League Qualifying, Of All Places, Has Given Us The Goal Of The Summer

Europa League Qualifying, Of All Places, Has Given Us The Goal Of The Summer

While most of the soccer happening right now is friendlies, MLS, and the African Cup of Nations (the final of which takes place later today), the beginning of the long marathon towards the Europa
Christen Press Scores, Alex Morgan Trolls, And USWNT Leads England 2-1 At The Half

Christen Press Scores, Alex Morgan Trolls, And USWNT Leads England 2-1 At The Half

Anyone concerned by Megan Rapinoe’s absence from the starting lineup of today’s USWNT Women’s World Cup semifinal against England was given swift reassurance that everything would be okay when
Gorgeous Brazil Goal Starts With A Nutmeg And Just Keeps Getting Better

Gorgeous Brazil Goal Starts With A Nutmeg And Just Keeps Getting Better

When Brazil full back Tamires stood there on the sideline seemingly with nowhere to go, and then insouciantly toe-poked the ball through Emily Gielnik’s legs and ran right past her, I thought to
Nigeria's Asisat Oshoala Finally Shows The World Who She Is

Nigeria's Asisat Oshoala Finally Shows The World Who She Is

The World Cup is a showcase—of the sport, its teams, and its individual talents. It’s also a competition that crowns the best soccer nation in the world, but only a handful of teams realistically can
Every USWNT Goal Against Thailand, Ranked

Every USWNT Goal Against Thailand, Ranked

If you haven’t heard, the United States puréed Thailand by a score of 13-0 in their 2019 Women’s World Cup opening match today. You don’t score 13 goals without at least some of them being nice, so
Large Norwegian Teen Scores Nine Goals In One Game In U-20 World Cup

Large Norwegian Teen Scores Nine Goals In One Game In U-20 World Cup

This is Erling Braut Håland. The 6-foot-3 Norwegian is 18 years old, and he looks like a lock to be cast as Thor in the certainly forthcoming Teen Avengers movie. He also scored nine times in today’s
Suso Channels His Inner Messi With A Near-Perfect Free Kick To Keep Milan's Champions League Hopes Alive

Suso Channels His Inner Messi With A Near-Perfect Free Kick To Keep Milan's Champions League Hopes Alive

AC Milan’s dreams of qualifying for the Champions League are still alive for now. Their 2-0 win over the already-relegated Frosinone brought them just one point behind fourth-place Inter Milan for the
Vincent Kompany's Pile-Driver Goal Keeps Manchester City's Title Hopes Alive

Vincent Kompany's Pile-Driver Goal Keeps Manchester City's Title Hopes Alive

No matter what happened in today’s Manchester City-Leicester City match, this brain-meltingly tight Premier League title race was going to come down to the final day of the season. But with the
Shane Long Sets New Premier League Record For Fastest Goal By Scoring In Seven Seconds

Shane Long Sets New Premier League Record For Fastest Goal By Scoring In Seven Seconds

Shane Long wasted literally no time putting Southampton up on Watford today, throwing his body in front of a Craig Cathcart pass and running onto the deflected ball before flipping it over Watford’s
Matheus Cunha Caps Off RB Leipzig's Comeback Win Over Bayer Leverkusen With An Utterly Disrespectful Goal

Matheus Cunha Caps Off RB Leipzig's Comeback Win Over Bayer Leverkusen With An Utterly Disrespectful Goal

Things quickly fell apart for Bayer Leverkusen just over on hour into their match against RB Leipzig on Saturday. After leading most of the match 2-1, Timo Werner tied things up with a solid strike
Lionel Messi Slows Down Time, Scores Free Kick

Lionel Messi Slows Down Time, Scores Free Kick

It looks so damn easy to stop, this latest entry into Lionel Messi’s lightyear-long highlight reel. The free kick from just outside the box hangs in the air for an eternity, seemingly giving the
This Beautiful But Needlessly Complicated Goal Is Sadio Mané In A Nutshell

This Beautiful But Needlessly Complicated Goal Is Sadio Mané In A Nutshell

Sadio Mané is the kind of player who tends to make easy things look unnecessarily difficult and impossible things look effortless. It’s hard to find a better encapsulation of this than the goal he