Adrian Peterson Is A Fucking Moron

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You know, just once in this lifetime, I would like my favorite team to acquire a legendary skill position player who does NOT turn out to be a complete fucking shithead. The Vikings drafted Randy Moss, and I had to spend a decade justifying his existence to myself when he would sit down and make a salad on the weak side of a running play. Then they got Brett Favre and I enjoyed 95% of a pleasant season with him until all the interceptions and dong shots took over. Now there's Adrian Peterson, and given everything that has transpired with Peterson in the past six months, I find myself genuinely surprised that we didn't discover he was an insane asshole years ago.

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