Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Resistance FRIDAY!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Late Night Snark: "Bjye-Bjye, Gjhoul" Editjion

"Kirstjen Nielsen stepped down as Homeland Security secretary, presumably to spend more time with her family after a house fell on her sister. Kirstjen is a lying ghoul who enforced policies that tore families apart and impacted thousands of lives. Nothing good will come from her tenure at the Department of Homeland Security except perhaps Sarah Paulson's Emmy Award-winning portrayal of Nielsen on American Crime Story 2024.

—Samantha Bee

“Obama didn’t have a family separation policy. Remember, it was announced as policy by Jeff Sessions. It was the brainchild of Stephen Miller and John Kelly, who told Kirstjen Nielsen to implement it, and now she’ll be scraping that hot black tar off her soul for the rest of eternity.”

—Stephen Colbert, on Trump's false accusation that the Obama administration started the policy of kidnapping and then losing the children of asylum seekers

"Attorney General William Barr testified before the Senate Appropriations Committee, and said he believes there was spying into the 2016 Trump campaign, but that he has no specific evidence. Democrats called the claim ridiculous, while Fox News called it 'a great audition.'"

—Seth Meyers

"According to a new article, President Trump took a guided tour of George Washington's Mount Vernon estate, and during the tour criticized Washington by saying, 'If he was smart he would’ve put his name on it. You've got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you.’ Trump then left Mount Vernon and went back…to Washington D.C."

—James Corden

"There's one Republican with skin even thinner than Donald Trump's, and that honor goes to California congressman Devin Nunes. If you're not familiar with Devin Nunes, he's basically the toilet paper stuck to Trump's shoe."

—Jimmy Kimmel

And one year ago...

“Paul Ryan is retiring. He said that after twenty years in Congress, it's time to let someone else get nothing done.” ---Jimmy Fallon

Golly gee, I miss him. Said nobody.

Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

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