39 Things Newly Single People Say And What They Actually Mean


We’ve all been there.


1. "I finally have the whole bed to myself." – I've forgotten how to fall asleep alone and it sucks.

2. "So ready to move on, let's do this!" – I'm totally not ready to move on, but what choice do I have?

3. "The bad times are over, and the good times are just getting started!" – I've wasted my youth.

4. "What do single people do on Saturday night?" – I'm single and ready to mingle.

5. "Someone else can have my leftovers." – I will lose my SHIT if my ex gets into a new relationship before I do.

6. "A toast to new beginnings!" – I need to change my Twitter and Facebook passwords.

7. "The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else." – I'm gonna have sex with LOTS of undeserving strangers.

8. "I need to love myself before I can love anyone else." – I'm getting fat and no one out there likes me.

9. "I'm going to focus more on my career." – I wonder who I can date at work?

10. "I only need friends and family in this world." – My cat and I have Netflix plans.

20th Century Fox / Via larkable.com

11. "I'm ready to take on the world, nothing can hold me back now." – My thirst is real.

12. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." – I can't wait until bad karma bites my ex in the ass.

13. "We're gonna stay friends." – I will never see that person ever again.

14. "I'm probably gonna stay single, like, forever." – I need someone to save me from online dating.

15. "On to the next one!" – I require superficial validation and acceptance, NOW.

16. "I'm an adult, I'm practically over it." – I'm an immature child who's still crying inside.

17. "I wish we met at a different time." – I wish I had my shit together before we broke up.

18. "I'm loving this single lifestyle!" – I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.

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