Paul Ryan To Deprive Us Of The Hilarity Of A Paul Ryan Presidential Run


Aw! It looks like I won’t be spending a good chunk of 2016 giggling maniacally over Paul Ryan photo ops. The former Vice Presidential contender and so-called “policy wonk” (HA) has announced that he will not be running for President in 2016, as if that were a thing that would work out for him anyway given that he was definitely a huge part of the reason the Romney campaign failed.

Romney, of course, is considering another Presidential run, because it’s somehow not quite clear to him yet that the American people are not interested in Mitt Romney being president. Except for this guy:

Of course, Ryan says that he will be offering his services and wisdom to the 2016 nominee, although he doesn’t want to say who he thinks that will be.

Via NBC News:

The congressman would not throw his support behind any potential 2016 presidential candidate during the interview, saying that any endorsement would be “premature.”

But, Ryan added, he believes that a Republican can “absolutely” win.

“I think we’ve got a number of very capable candidates who have every ability to become president. There are a lot of talented people,” he said. “I think it is critical that our party puts forward bold, conservative ideas and give people a choice. I think we have a number of capable leaders who can do that.”

Ryan said he plans to do whatever he can to help the Republican Party and its eventual nominee win the White House in 2016.

“It’s clear the country needs a change in direction and our party has a responsibility to offer a real alternative,” he said, adding that, as chairman of his House committee, he will help “lay out conservative solutions that will help our nominee lead us to victory.”

So far, the likely contenders are Jeb Bush, brother and son of two of our worst presidents ever (which sounds so “Chinatown,” amirite?), Mitt Romney who is pretty sure if he just keeps running that he’ll make it eventually, Marco Rubio who is gross and has pretty much no shot at winning the nomination if Jeb is running, Rick Perry who has a mugshot, Chris Christie who has been in all sorts of legal trouble, Ted Cruz who is Ted Cruz, and Rand Paul–who to me, will always look like Charles Hamilton from “Gone With The Wind” and who is actually probably too far to the left on war and drug war issues to appeal to most conservatives.

You realize that with this line-up, we could totally run Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders and win, right? Like, they really have no one who is not explicitly terrible. This would be the time to go all out, if you ask me. But then again, I never thought that the fratty, crazy alcoholic born-again Bush would actually be considered a serious candidate for the presidency, and the first time I ever saw Britney Spears I thought “Well, this will never catch on!”–so perhaps I’m wrong. [NBCNews]

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