39 Things Newly Single People Say And What They Actually Mean

39 Things Newly Single People Say And What They Actually Mean


We’ve all been there.


1. "I finally have the whole bed to myself." – I've forgotten how to fall asleep alone and it sucks.

2. "So ready to move on, let's do this!" – I'm totally not ready to move on, but what choice do I have?

3. "The bad times are over, and the good times are just getting started!" – I've wasted my youth.

4. "What do single people do on Saturday night?" – I'm single and ready to mingle.

5. "Someone else can have my leftovers." – I will lose my SHIT if my ex gets into a new relationship before I do.

6. "A toast to new beginnings!" – I need to change my Twitter and Facebook passwords.

7. "The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else." – I'm gonna have sex with LOTS of undeserving strangers.

8. "I need to love myself before I can love anyone else." – I'm getting fat and no one out there likes me.

9. "I'm going to focus more on my career." – I wonder who I can date at work?

10. "I only need friends and family in this world." – My cat and I have Netflix plans.

20th Century Fox / Via larkable.com

11. "I'm ready to take on the world, nothing can hold me back now." – My thirst is real.

12. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." – I can't wait until bad karma bites my ex in the ass.

13. "We're gonna stay friends." – I will never see that person ever again.

14. "I'm probably gonna stay single, like, forever." – I need someone to save me from online dating.

15. "On to the next one!" – I require superficial validation and acceptance, NOW.

16. "I'm an adult, I'm practically over it." – I'm an immature child who's still crying inside.

17. "I wish we met at a different time." – I wish I had my shit together before we broke up.

18. "I'm loving this single lifestyle!" – I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.

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