Mike Huckabee Cannot Believe The Obamas Let Their Kids Listen To This Beyoncé Person
Potato-faced nincompoop Mike Huckabee has advice for practically everyone, and is more than willing to dish it out as he goes around promoting his new book, which is seriously titled God, Guns, Grits and Gravy. An appropriately classy and dignified title for a book by a man who wishes to be President of these United States, no?
In his book, Huckabee offers up all sorts of wisdom about things. Things like how if we allow gay marriage to be legal, bisexual people will want to have two spouses, because that is obviously how being bisexual works. According to Mike Huckabee. He also goes on and on, apparently, about how he thinks Beyoncé and Jay-Z are the actual worst ever, and definitely poor role models for the children of this country.
In fact, in this book (once again, titled God, Gun, Grits and Gravy and written by a possible presidential contender and not, in fact, Jed Clampett), Huckabee suggests that Jay-Z is almost literally Beyoncé’s “pimp.”
“My reaction: Why? Beyonce is incredibly talented – gifted, in fact. She has an exceptional set of pipes and can actually sing. She is a terrific dancer – without the explicit moves best left for the privacy of her bedroom. Jay-Z is a very shrewd businessman, but I wonder: Does it occur to him that he is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object?”
Huckabee’s revilement of Beyoncé runs so deep, that he is now criticizing the Obamas for “allowing” Sasha (age 16) and Malia (age 13) to listen to her. You know, because teenage daughters always listen to their parents when it comes to what music they should listen to anyway.
The Obamas “are excellent and exemplary parents in many ways,” Huckabee says.
“That’s the whole point. I don’t understand how on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful about the intake of everything – how much broccoli they eat and where they go to school and making sure they’re kind of sheltered and shielded from so many things – and yet they don’t see anything that might not be suitable for either a preteen or a teen in some of the lyrical content and choreography of Beyoncé, who has sort of a regular key to the door” of the White House.
One wonders what Mike Huckabee would think would be appropriate music for Sasha and Malia to listen to. Perhaps they should be listening instead to Mike Huckabee’s friend, Ted Nugent? In fact, here is some sweet footage of Huckabee playing bass for Nugent as he sings “Cat Scratch Fever”:
Here are some lyrics from “Cat Scratch Fever!”
Well, I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand
They know they gettin’ it from me
They know just where to go when they need their lovin’ man
They know I’m doin’ it for free
I give them cat scratch fever
Cat scratch fever
They got a bad scratch fever
The cat scratch fever
And here are some lyrics from Nugent’s classic “Jailbait,” a wholesome classic about gang-raping a 13-year-old girl in handcuffs with a police officer!
Well I don’t care if youre just thirteen
You look too good to be true
I just know that youґre probably clean
Thereґs one lil’ thing I got do to you
Honey you you you look so nice
Shes young sheґs tender
Wonґt you please surrender
She’s so fine shes mine
All the time, all mine mine
Itґs all right baby
Itґs quite all right I asked your mama
Wait a minute officer
Donґt put those handcuffs on me
Put them on her and I’ll share her with you
Meanwhile, the song Huckabee finds so objectionable — though, sure, risqué in parts — is a song about a married adult couple wanting to bang each other. Consensually.
I don’t know. I would very much like to know if Mike Huckabee allowed his three children to listen to Ted Nugent growing up. Because I have a feeling that he did. Also, judging by the repertoire of his band, Capitol Offense, Huckabee is also quite the fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd, who also had some songs with some pretty racy lyrics — not to mention the racist ones.
But, I guess these things don’t count, as Ted Nugent and the members of Lynyrd Skynyrd are white dudes with Southern accents, which makes them unassailably wholesome forever. Obviously. [People]